A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Color of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Color of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.……………. at this point the husband started crying...
Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.
I've been trying to get out more lately - I've decided if I just sit home alone I'll wind up just sitting home alone, you know? So I'm attempting to remake myself as a social butterfly, and it's been quite an interesting experience.
In some ways, I have three strikes against me when it comes to "scene" social events. First, I'm a single guy. Second, I'm old. Third, I'm a male sub, or at least present myself as one. (I'm actually a true switch - I just love spankings, either giving or receiving) Sometimes at these events I feel like I've just smashed open a strongbox and received the +4 Cloak of Invisibility. (gamers will understand the reference)
But I keep plugging away. I figure at some point I'll at least become a familiar figure, which will hopefully make me more approachable.
During the past week a dear old neighbour of our's passed away. I say neighbour even though this gentleman lived four miles from us.We often met him and his wife in the village and in the pub. He and I spent an hour hiding from the Garda last Christmas in the grounds of the old Abbey along with a few more seasoned drinkers,when the pub was 'raided' for after hours drinking! All he could worry about was what his wife would say if he got himself arrested.
It was a friend of ours who rang us and told us about the time for the funeral. Jen went into a major fashion crisis concerning which black dress to wear.I told her to wear her maids uniform,the one she puts on when we play,it is black after all! I was pushed for that,but thankfully she decided on a dress and we left the house late as a result. The funeral home we had to go to is in Clonakilty,about eight miles from where we live,so I had to be 'economical' with the speed we travelled at. We arrived late,there was already a large queue of people wishing to pay their respects,so I parked where I could and Jen and I made a dash inside the funeral home. As we joined the queue I glanced around in the hope of seeing some of our friends but saw no one we recognised. Jen whispered to me that this felt strange. The line of people got ever closer to the coffin and it began to dawn on me that something was wrong,for when Jen and I looked at the person in the coffin we discovered to our horror that it was NOT our neighbour,but someone else,someone we did not know.As customary in these parts it is necessary to offer one's condolescences to the family of the deceased. Jen and I were really at a loss. We had absolutely no idea who these people were,nor they us . I approached the line of people sitting next to the coffin.An elderly lady was being comforted and I extended my hand and offered my sympathy to this poor woman;Jen done likewise. The woman accepted,but stared at us,probably wondering who we were and how we knew her husband?
Once outside the funeral home I phoned our friend who had given us the time of the funeral only to be told that she had made a mistake and the funeral was at 8pm,not 7:15pm,but at least we were at the right funeral home. Jen took my phone and called our friend a fucking moron and explained what had just happened.Our friend laughed so much that we could hear her almost choking. I am afraid that our friend will be seeing the inside of my study,LOL! Jen and I went back to the car and waited until 8pm.When we got home we told my niece what had happened.She thought it was one of the funniest things she had ever heard and while we all laughed ,my niece took the opportunity to ask when her monthly allowance will be paid in full again.I told her not to push her luck.
So today I am cooking lunch at home.My niece and Jen are gone to run a half marathon in aid of some charity.I am taking the opportunity of some peace and quiet to do paperwork and sit and watch TV while the roast beef is in the oven. I do like my weekends,some peace after a mad week.Have a great weekend all of you and be safe. Be good,and if you can't be good then tell me.LOL!
If you have not heard of Jillian Keenan, I just want to share her with you spankers and spankees. She is one of us who has bravely come out of the closet and used her status as a columnist to write about herself and in a way many of us. She hits the nail on the head for how I view spanking better than anyone else ever has. I am going to share three of her articles with you all. If you like them, please show her some support on Twitter @JillianKeenan http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/11/fashion/modern-love-a-spanking-fetish-is-not-revealed-easily.html?
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2014/09/spanking_is_a_sex_act_which_is_why_it_should_not_be_used_for_punishing_children.htmlWould love to hear your opinions as well.
If you have not heard of Jillian Keenan, I just want to share her with you spankers and spankees. She is one of us who has bravely come out of the closet and used her status as a columnist to write about herself and in a way many of us. She hits the nail on the head for how I view spanking better than anyone else ever has. I am going to share three of her articles with you all. If you like them, please show her some support on Twitter @JillianKeenan
Would love to hear your opinions as well.
Ohhhhh.....I have been craving spanking since I was 6 or 7.
My sister is 5 yrs my senior. She came down to the basement where I sat at my fathers workbench fiddling. She wanted my help doing something that I didn't want to do, some chore probably. She was practically begging me. I said, "I will, but ONLY if you SPANK me."
She said no and called me a goon
I have been getting a number of inquiries regarding seeing my complete spanking videos since the clips here are not full videos.The link for quite a number of my videos is below.
It is also a profile page of mine with some detailed information on my views and thoughts on spanking!
Have a great Friday night!
It seems the members of the Hicksville Enigma Club want a new and more sophisticated menu. So Miss Ciggy decided to go with her usual, though special, dishes. It’s taken years for her to perfect these incredible recipes and she hopes that everyone enjoys them.
As for the cat—if Miss Cynthia will tend to the cat, Miss Ciggy won’t object. But the cat will have to hunt up plenty of lizards, iguanas or otherwise, so Miss Ciggy can develop new and exciting recipes.
Here’s a sample of the new Hicksville Enigma Club Menu—
Sea Snail Bruschetta
Deep Fried Shrimp Heads
Bat Tongue Crisps
Opossum Awesome Stew
Pig Innards and Pasta
Armadillo and Rice
Skunk and Fresh Veggie Sauté
Squirrel Lo Mein
General Tso’s Sea Cucumber
Roasted Slug Gnocchi
Rat inna bun á la Ciggy w/ a secret sauce. (A special request from Misty Moo)
House Salad with Creamy Wasp Dressing
Grilled Chicken Cartilage
Roasted Potatoes with Chicken Embryo Aioli
Spinach Creamed with Mashed Salamander Sauce
Toad in the Hole (with real toad?)
Sweetened Eye of Newt Pudding
Frog Tail Upside Down Cake
‘Itch Fingers with Marsh Berry Cream
Chocolate Wart Chip Cookies (an old family recipe)
Scrumptious Big Galoots
Kitty Litter Apple Fritters Hee Hee
Blood Orange Cock Tale…………………………………………...Morgue-A-Rita
Black Devil Martini………………………………………………...Black Widow Shot
Blood Sucker Cock Tale……………………………………………Bloody Brain Shooter
Recipes can be found at:
Miss Ciggy is more than sure that everyone who dares will enjoy the entire menu.
Sorry for such a long gap between blog posts. The question I raise in my title was posed on another site in a little different way and I wanted to re-post it here. For me I have a very diverse lifestyle and a number of tastes beside being strictly a top and into spanking and discipline. My tastes can swing from very vanilla to extremely kinky. The type of person that I am in the "bedroom" or in acting the role is different than the person that I am in real life. That may be part of the reason I am drawn to the the Lifestyle I am drawn too. I do use my intelligence, compassion and kindness as a base for my strictness / dominating side of my personality.
I am interesting in heating any thoughts on this topic as you it pertains to you, or to answer any questions you might have for me on this topic.
Part four : Read the fine print
So my vacation was almost half over and it had already been
quite fulfilling.I had promised myself I would go no further until
I read the fine print on the hotel agreement.I mean I did fill it
out and all.I do have a tendency to speed read some of the particulars
which sometimes tend to get me in a bit of trouble.Maybe I could discuss
this with the next lady I was to meet.Which by the way,had the nickname
As I finished reading the contract....what I failed to remember was that
After the section of likes and dislikes.In Bold print...what was I thinking.Stated plain as day.The hotel takes sole priority in final
decisions regarding meetings and scenes.
So basically whatever you choose for your interaction.....is subject to change at any moment due to the decision of the hotel.I first hand and
ass know this,because I don't think not one scene went as planned.Now I
don't think this is done to upset the clientele.I do think they feel
they are in the business of making the visitors more than satisfied.
Well in saying that.....Why fight the powers that be.....
I left my room and headed off for my meeting with "TYRANT"
Let's just say room 217 should have been numbered 666.The lady
that appeared when the door opened not only struck immediate fear
into me with her long straight raven black hair.But the smell of leather that permeated off her skin tight dress and the wicked riding crop in her hand gave me the feeling she was not playing.
She barked enter and you bet YOUR Lilly sweet ass I entered.
her first command was for me to strip.I was still at the door.
What I could see ahead of me....the looks of it,a dungeon like set up
almost mid-evil and the evil was no pun intended.I quickly undid my trousers and a swish and the sound of that crop slapping on the wall
was all I needed to be fully undressed.
She told me to kneel and kiss her outstretched hand and then I was led into the main boudoir.There was an inverted Cross on the wall and a leather spanking bench in the middle of the room.An old fashioned stockade to the left and to the right what seemed to be a throne.
all I knew....is by the looks of things and her nickname.I might just be first handed experiencing all of thee above.
She cooed at me as a hawk...you will obey my every command.Failure
to do so will result in punishment that will be unbearable."Do you understand me worm".Worm....I thought,this is a bit much and with that
she grabbed and bushel of my hair and dragged me over that spanking bench.Before I even could fathom what was taking place I was completely
secured wrists and ankles to this bench as naked as life started.
All she offered for reassurance was an ice cold "now you will find out
what it is to serve me".With that a searing hot pain came across my lower cheeks.Felt like a hot Iron was run across my poor butt.With this another and another.My mind went blank.The pain was beyond my
threshold and we had just started how was I to live through this.
I had figured what was being wielded at my defenseless bottom was a
cane.I had never been hit with such a thing and I knew why.As this
landed another half dozen time right across my sit spot.I squealed
like a little girl.To her pleasure she stated"You will feel more of the same pain you worthless pathetic leech".Now I was a leech..what next...ummmm...I should not have asked.
As quick as I was secured to the spanking bench I was lifted again
by my hair.Thank goodness I had plenty,cause it did feel as if it was being ripped from my head.She dragged me across the floor to this tall wood chair fine crafted cherry-wood.I was pulled to my knees and told
I would worship her long legs.If I displeased her it would be the worst day of my existence.I did believe her.With my ass still feeling
ripped in two.She yanked my hair and head to her knee high smooth leather boots and siren commanded me to lick them clean.I ran my tongue up and down from the toe to the heel and gave those boots a bath.When she was satisfied yet again I was dragged by yes...my hair
to the this wood contraption with 3 holes perfectly crafted for my head and wrists.As the top was lifted splitting the wood in two my head and hands went in and then was shut down on me leaving my ass
a clear target.I could not move yet again.Sounding more angry then
she had been earlier.She hissed you are a very poor boot lick-er and
she will teach me what happens when she is displeased.With that....
The sound of wood and bare flesh echoed off the walls.SMACK,WHACK,SLAM,
KABOOM!My rear end was being hit so quickly that it was taking my breath away.It had to be an implement the size of a fraternity paddle
because it had one MEAN crash.As the onslaught continued.My bottom was throbbing and this new inflicted pain on top of the first thrashing was becoming so unbearable even though I would not move I was wiggling my rear as much as it would move just because it was the only part of my body that had some play.Which enraged her more and she bore down
with even more ferocity that my mind went blank again and what seemed like hours became minutes and minutes hours.And as it had before...it ceased and she rattled of a sequence of commands which was like the part in the movie "Saving private Ryan" where the soldier could only
see what was going on blurry with no sound.This brutality had put my body into some kind of shock and the last things I could understand
was and because she shrieked at me.....you will dress and not look back or I will make sure you need to be carried from my presence.
With that I kinda ran for the door where my clothes were in a heap
threw them on in disarray and opened the door and took my burning
ass down the hall trying to find a place to hide......
Couple of weeks ago I told you all about my dentist’s assistant Gwen. During a visit there they had me all doped up and thought she made some spanking reference to me, wasn’t 100% though. Well I decided to jab the hornet nest with a stick, and called to reschedule two days before I was supposed to be there. Just to see how serious this woman is.
Gwen sounded rather ticked and said we were going to “have a talk” when I got there. This office is usually pretty busy and they don’t like rescheduling people.
Today I arrived and Gwen was right there to greet me soon as I walked through the door. Looking a lot like many southwestern women, blonde hair, blue eyes, decent amount of gold jewelry, made up like they were going out on a Friday night.
She led me back to my official dental dungeon. “We have something in common.” She said as I lay back in the chair of torture.
I was wearing a Vancouver Canucks jersey so being the smart ass that I am I asked: “You a Canucks fan too?”
“Hardly.” Gwen replied in a stern voice, facing away from me showing off a lovely bottom in some very tight black pants. She dropped my file on a counter and started to put on rubber gloves, never a good sign. “I was born on October 29th, Scorpio. Have you been behaving yourself?”
Goodie, a challenge! Nothing beats spanking a dominate woman! Feels like being the lone survivor of battle high upon the hillside. Unstoppable. Invincible! I am the Attila the Hun of spanking! OK, I am going to try and make this happen.
“What makes you think I wouldn’t be?”
“First time here you informed the doctor one of your missing molar teeth was lost in a fight and the second was . . “ looks at my paper work “lost in a mosh pit in Europe.”
“Guilty as charged there dear. I been keeping a low profile, just saw Rob Zombie to try and raise some hell but that’s it.”
“The doctor is on vacation this week Scorpio.” When Gwen turned around she had this tray full of syringe needles. “I am going to administer your novacaine today.”
Talk about a strange space to be in! Here she was all up in my grill, awesome crisp perfume, chest within a couple inches of my face and her blonde hair draped down so that was cool. Just the jabbing of needles into my gums wasn’t cool. In face it sucked and I could tell she was enjoying her job a bit too much.
The person on duty came in and went through a deep cleaning process, although I didn’t really need it, thankfully it went fast.
As I left the office my mouth was all numb and partially swollen. Gwen asked me for another follow up, which for a cleaning is ridiculous. Just say you want to get together already! Said as best I could I have to check my schedule and see what I can do. She looked up at me and said “I’m calling you tomorrow to check up on you.”
I find that odd because this office isn’t even open on Friday.
Dear spanking diary,
It finally happened!!! I received my first OTK spanking and another and another and another whew. As much as I thought I was mentally, physically and emotionally ready, I was so wrong! My bottom is still stingy and sore. I wanted and needed it sooo very bad and I truly got it. Wish I could say I will be a good girl now butt that would be a lie (hehe). Thank you for what you gave to me. I am now officially no longer a vrgnbottom!!!
I never spank in anger.I always make sure to take time to calm down and put things in perspective before I chastise Jenny. Monday saw Jenny and my niece talking again as if nothing had happened,where as I was still a bit upset,to put it mildly. Jen,my niece,her boyfriend and I drove into the city.I dropped my niece and her boyfriend off first before driving Jen to her 'prison'. We stopped in traffic lights and Jen turned to me and again apologised to me for what had happened with my niece.They have tried hard to make it up to me,but I really just want them to get on. They were doing so well.
As Jen spoke to me I remained quiet.We both knew what had to be done. Before Jen got out of the car I told her that tonight she and I would have to put this right. Monday night saw my niece leave for hockey practice. I told Jen to go to our bedroom. She did without any arguments. I waited ten minutes,to build the antiscipation,before I went upstairs and into our bedroom. I ordered Jen to strip and take up her usual position lying face down on our bed. This is something we have done many times both for fun and correction,for the times she pisses me off!LOL It can be very hard keeping strickly to the punishment.Jen and I very often end up on the bed together only after a few strokes. I went to 'our drawer' and took out the strap. I again told Jen that I was very disappointed,being the adult,in her behaviour.She accepted this and we both agreed that she should receive fifteen strokes.I began,taking my time. It always happens;when I see her writhing on the bed I become distracted and sometimes I am guilty of loosing count. I think I only managed to give her seven strokes before we both began to ...well you know! Lets put it this way,we more than made up for the silent moments of the past few days.
When we had finished we both lay there talking about what had happened. Jen understands that she should have just ignored my niece; we had discussed this before,now this can be hard,especially for Jen who is a very disciplined person.She knows this.My niece has a very strange ability: she seems to be very good at rubbing people up the wrong way,she can be quite mouthy.Jen and I lay in each others arms and agreed that if she feels an argument with my niece coming on again then she should tell me. I can understand Jen's point of view,believe me there have been times when my niece has really pushed my buttons and it gave me enough to do to keep calm and not catch hold of her.
Having said that,things have been quiet for a long time and hopefully will remain so. My niece has been left in no doubt that her behaviour last weekend will no longer be tolerated. I have reduced her monthly allowance as well as directed a few choice words at her!
I do hope all of you are having a great week.Be safe and be good.
Ok friends here on Spanking Tube! I'm taking a stand! I REFUSE to put Capscaisin cream on my butt ever again until my mentors try it themselves! I blame Niko! Grrrr......., stomping and kicking! My butt is on fire and I think I need a fire extinguisher for my butt! I don't think anyone should deal out punishments that they have not done or had or not willing to do themselves! :! NO, NO, NO....!!!!!!!