Posted on February 4, 2010 at 1:46 pm
We’ve all heard others express dissatisfaction with their relationship because their wants and needs are not being met. Perhaps we’ve even found ourselves in a similar spot. While there are many possible reasons for this discontent, I’m convinced that three of the main causes are identifiable and rectifiable: not knowing precisely what we want, not knowing precisely what our partner wants, and not communicating these wants and needs.
It sounds odd to say that sometimes we don’t know precisely what we want, but try this. Make a list of specific things you desire or need. Instead of saying, “I wish he was more romantic”, identify several romantic activities or gestures you would enjoy. After the first few, it begins to be a little more difficult to be creative especially when unalterable circumstances must be considered. Long distance relationships, meager finances, little spare time, the presence of children – all these situations can be somewhat limiting unless we actively work to be creative.
It’s a little bit easier for some submissive men to list the things they desire as many of them have been thinking and fantasizing forever ;) Still, it may be difficult for them to list activities or gestures that may fall within our comfort zone. Someone new to the concept of dominance may find it helpful to encourage him to begin with things he considers “mild”.
It’s important to me that each list contain sexual and romantic/vanilla activities. I’m a Domme, yes, but I still like some of the every day activities that many consider vanilla. In addition, because part of the Domme/submissive dynamic for me is encouraging his desire to please me, I want him to (eventually) consider those activities pleasurable as well. I’m sure the same is true for him – some of his “wants” may not initially arouse me, but I know he wants them to. I’ve noticed focusing on his reaction has many times changed my response to the act itself.
Once our lists have been created, it’s important to keep adding to them. As we relax and explore, we may see we are more willing and eager to try things previously considered “uninteresting” or “too far out”.
Discussing the lists with one another would seem crucial as it should help make sure we understand not only what each desires, but why. I’ve found knowing the “why” behind his wants and needs extremely helpful in choosing my course of action on many occasions :) Reviewing the lists together also provides an opportunity to brainstorm.
He’s committed to serving and pleasing me, I’ve committed to taking control. My list will help me know what to ask for. His list will provide me with options when I choose what I wish to do with and to him. I think it’s also helpful to maintain a list of things we each want to do to and for the other.
The lists are just tools, of course. As Dommes we can still choose what we want to do, when we want to do it. I just want to make sure I consider both our needs :)
If you like please share some of the things that might appear on either of your lists? By doing so, you might help spark ideas for others to try.
i am taking yoga classes
i didnt intend to take yoga classes
i mis-read the sign
i thought it said yoda classes
i thought theyd teach me to say wise things like "quiet must one be to feel the force"
ok this is NOT what i signed up for
id leave but i cant get out of this position *(why didnt anyone tell me my ass was this big (so thats how politicians do that))
if its not too much trouble can someone call an ambulance
and someone really good at untangling christmas lights
Got a fella in my sights, he's got all I'm hunting. Think it may be a perfect match, lets see how this works out!
He's good and strong and I know he can easily control me, Been a few times he's put me over his knee playfully and spanked me. Including infront of my parents one time. Always threatens to really spank me for serious reasons, so who knows maybe the right one has been infront of my nose this whole time!
After what feels like an eternity the house comes into view. The tall brass gates, with pure gold lions guarding either side of it, send a shiver running down my back. Not looking away from the passenger’s side window I listen as Jeff barks orders into the intercom system.
Charles! He barks.
Good evening Sir, Charles the security guy says from the other end of the intercom.
The brass gate doors slowly open. Jeff starts to drive forward. The night lights that keep the drive lit are on. I look up at them as they pass. Moments later we pull up in front of the mansion.
Jeff owns his own modeling company. He is pretty successful. Pretty may be a bit of an understatement. Since he opened his first modeling company at 19 he’s always been a hit. He now has everything he could ever want, owns 15 modeling companies, and he’s only 27. No wonder he thinks he can control the world I think to myself. He is so young yet so successful. Really he’s still a child with the morning scruff just starting to show.
I don’t take my eyes away from the window as Jeff gets out of the car and opens the door. Without looking him in the eyes I get out and stand staring down at my fingers that are in a tangled mess in front of me.
We’ve finally arrived home. Swallowing hard, I follow Jeff to the big brass doors to the house after he slams the car door shut.
Jeff opens the doors and stands aside to let me through. Walking into the entrance I stand head bowed and wait. The anticipation of what is going to happen causes my legs to tremble underneath me.
The front door closes with a band and I jump slightly looking up to see Jeff standing there with a goofy childish grin. He appears to be enjoying watching me suffer while wondering what comes next.
Finally he speaks.
Nothing to say naughty girl, he says in a mocking tone.
I continue to stare down at my fingers.
You had so much to say at the restaurant and now nothing.
I look into his eyes hoping for some sign of joking. There’s nothing.
Looking away my subconscious glares at me. *did you really think he would find some type of humor in you telling him he was too demanding. She barks in a snide voice. You have known him for two months and you still haven’t figured out that he is the one in control. She shakes her head in disgust.*
Trying to block out her voice I rethink what took place. He was demanding that I drink water and not soda. Surely he realizes that soda once in a while isn’t too bad for you. Aside from that we were having a special day out. Why not make an exception. It’s one thing to bark orders at me in the privacy of our home, but in public. I don’t understand why he’s so upset.
Without warning I am jerked back to attention by the force of a strong hand pulling on my hair. I let out a yelp of pain and a hand goes over my mouth. I stare up at Jeff who has a twinkle of pleasure in his eyes.
What should I do with you naughty girl? Jeff says with a sinister grin across his perfectly pink, luscious lips.
Another week, another dollar, another spanking!!!! Why do I have a déjà vu feeling?
Had a very busy week which led to no shopping and subsequently poor diet and too much rubbish. That old familiar saying “I’m fat” came to mind on several occasions. Had the seat of learning warmed a number of times over the weekend – mainly for being late and minxing. Got away with throwing a mini wobble over a tea brack. Bought a packet of tobacco as a peace offering on returning from the shop! Then sat down and enjoyed the brack with heaps of butter and a mug of tea – heaven personified. Headed into the city later for a meal followed by a trip to the Peacock Theatre to see “Shibari”. Well worth the trip. Very enjoyable performance and very nicely portrayed. Enjoyed a few drinks afterwards too – even if I was drinking minerals on this occasion (not that I had much choice!!). Closely supervised.
Was warned not to be late on Sunday but got caught in a contra flow which delayed me by nine minutes. I claimed it was good manners to be ten minutes late but that wasn’t accepted. Another bared bottom with sweet spots pointed skywards. After yesterday it was still hurting deep down even if it wasn’t bruised visually. Got to finish off yesterday’s brack afterwards. We then headed to town to visit the Alternative Market in the Ripley Court Hotel followed by a spot of retail therapy as I needed a new pair of boots. Wolfc’s retail therapy skills are rather good for a male. In fact he probably had much more patience than I – thanks for seeing the task through and for you know what...... I’ll have to get that skirt out now as a result – no excuses. It was good to get home and lie on the couch for a while afterwards before the dinner. Following a “deep” discussion I hit the road in preparation for a new week.
Heading on holidays in two weeks so must try to be good for these two weeks – don’t want stripes on the bottom in advance of the holidays – do I?
Dedicated to my former muse who likes this kind of thing!
Of all trees growing in the wood
The humble birch is very good
For beating naughty girls’ behinds
And neatly focusing their minds
On such misdeeds they did commit
Now to the punishment submit
In timepast fashion, wicked wench
Is tied down to the spanking bench
Then close to rear there comes a whistle
Arse erupts as stung with thistle
Ow! Ow! Ow! She mercy pleads
From discipline she sorely needs
When bum well whipped by supple twig
Into her asshole push the fig!
Per both my new videos I got a lot of comments about me staying in position. Thank u OTKNOW has been my daddy/ disciplinarian for about a year and a month when it comes to discipline with him he is caring in a sense but very strict when it comes to my hands and me staying in postion a lot of it he has taught me over the months. One main thing he say that I've learned is if I stay in position it will be a lot less harder and longer than if I move around. I do still tend to move but I've gotten better than I used to be thanks to my Daddy for teaching me. BTW I no I moved a lot more in my OTK spanking only becuz I was spanked two days in a row and that was my second day of getting my ass whooped
I was sitting here and started to think about it. My ass has never (Whoops there I go again cursing) Been spanked to the point it just glowed red. I really hope to experience that one day!
I bruise rather easily unfortunately but to turn my bottom red seems to be near impossible.
Just my random thought for the moment lol
Yesterday, I was caned -- probably the most severe caning of my life. I had been reading of Judicial Canings (see, for example, ladypandora.org). In those scenarios the person is tied to a bench and the cane is applied full force, as in a judicial punishment. My punishment was almost that extreme. I got a total of 48 strokes. The first 12 were from a fairly lightweight cane, but the remaining strokes were from canes that had been soaked in water overnight to make them heavier. All of the canes were three feet long or greater, and they were applied full force, or nearly full force, by a strong woman.
Anyway, the result is that I have fairly heavy marks. I'd like them to heal as soon as possible because I don't want them seen by my vanilla girlfriend, and I don't want to have to make up excuses not to see her.
Does anyone know if Arnica Cream works? Or is there something else I can try? The marks no longer hurt much, but I would like the bruises to go away as soon as possible. There's simply no way to explain the bruises. Anyone who looked at them would know immediately they were the product of a caning.
I can't make the attach photo thing work, so I'll post photos separately. A video will be posted soon, as soon as I can get it edited and uploaded.
Why I am in self-imposed chastity
In chat rooms, I get frequent PMs re my nic, usually asking, "Are you in Chastity?" (Yes), and then "Who keeps you?" (No one, it's self-imposed, voluntary).
So, the obvious next question: "Why?"
Since there is no four- or five- word answer, I'm going to attempt to answer it here, and will attempt to direct future queries from the curious to this blog.
To begin with, after first acquiring a CB6000 on 26 Sept, I played with it for a few days... putting it on, taking it off, etc. I put it on, early 29 Sept, before work, a fifteen hour shift, fully intending to keep it on through the run of my unusual work schedule, which would be until 0600 on 02 Oct. However, I did take it off at home, 29 Sept, and masturbated. I put it on, 30 Sept, prior to work...again intending to keep it on, and wound up taking it off, once home that night, to masturbate... which was about 00:00, or midnight 01 Oct... which is, to date, my last orgasmj.
I put it on 01 Oct morning, after a shower, approx 0900, and have had it off only once since then, for about 10 minutes, for cleaning. I had experimented with Tabasco inside the tube... heh... and after the fun was over, I felt the need to clean it all from my penis and the tube. This was ... on 03 Oct, evening... probably 66 hours since my last orgasm. I did have an erection beginning; I had to ice it down quite a bit, to get it back in the tube. As I write this, around 0600 on 06 Oct, I have not had it off, since.
Okay, so, why? Is there someone who cares or keeps count of my orgasms?
I am single, unattached, not even a prospect.
I am straight; I've never had a man-to-man encounter, but I am open to the possibility.
The last time I had intercourse or even a hand on my penis other than my own, was about a decade ago.
Depending on how old this blog entry gets, I will specify that while I did not think at the time to record the actual date, I'm quite sure it was sometime between 2001 and no later than 2003.
And, I don't miss it. Even then, and the reason the physical relationship between myself and the girlfriend ended was, intercourse was not ... exciting, in and of itself. In order to even maintain an erection while f*****g, I had to have fantasies running through my mind, fantasies of what I'd rather be doing, fantasies that I was too ashamed or embarrassed to tell her about. And since I would not tell her, she assumed I simply was not 'into' her, not turned on by her, and so , the end.
Even to date, visions or pictures or porn featuring straight-up fellatio or intercourse do almost nothing for me. I did say "almost"; there have been rare exceptions.
My turn-ons start with the fantasy of being spanked, beginning with the anticipation of a forth coming spanking, the ensuing shame, humiliation,and embarrassment.
Start with "Take off all your clothes, boy, and stand in the corner, and when I'm ready, you're going over my lap, and my hairbrush will do the talking."
If I could right now, I would start getting a hard-on, just from writing that. If I added to the scenario that somebody else is watching, I'd get even harder.
After the spanking, it would be up to the spanker: cornertime, or 'go to your room' or well, I don't know.
If it were a wife or girlfriend spanking me, who then wanted to engage in intercourse, I would certainly be turned-on and motivated. If instead, she wanted to milk me, that would be wonderful, too.
If it were a male spanker who, afterwards, felt the urge to release his sexual tension by way of my mouth or my backside, I'm good with that. If he wanted to leave me alone to deal with 'it' myself, I'd be happy to masturbate.
I do have an anal fetish. I love having my anus touched... probed... invaded... It's been a reqular part of my masturbatory sessions.
Having wondered off a bit on 'why', I'll try to get back to it.
Up to the last cut-off time, I figure I've been masturbating to orgasm about 10 to 12 times a week.
Men know about quickies... wake up with morning wood, give it a quick tug, or maybe one in the shower... or sitting around, feel an urge, whip it out, take care of it, done in a few minutes.
Not me. My sessions are filled with fantasy, roleplay, actual self-spanking and using vibrators and dildos while watching porn (my kinda porn) .... regularly, two or three hours at a time.
No harm... maybe... as long as I'm not missing work, or otherwise impacting my life?
I've deluded myself into thinking that I'm just "asexual", that I'm not attracted to ANYBODY on a physical, sexual level.
While the truth seems to be, that I simply won't allow myself to be attracted, because I'm so pre-occupied with self-pleasurement, that I don't want to let anybody else inside the fantasy.
And yet, I really know that so many of my fantasies and desires need ... a partner.
Self-spanking is ... interesting... yet I long to receive a real spanking, the kind where I personally am not in control of the duration or the intensity or anything else, for that matter.
But, while I'm finding pleasure in self-spanking and the resulting masturbation, I know I'm not vigorously seeking a partner with whom to share this.
So, I locked it up. No masturbation, no self-pleasure. I have and I will continue to spank myself, but I dont' and I won't get sexual relief, afterwards.
And, I've thought about something I refer to as My Useless Penis Syndrome.
For a decade, the only use of my penis has been urination and self-pleasure.
So, another reason to lock it up is, until I meet someone else who wants pleasure from my penis.
A potential problem is, I could meet somebody who is with me on my fantasies, but enjoys me having my penis locked up.
This actually leads into another not-such-a-fantasy of mine, sissification. I'm perfecting willing, and by that, I mean I have, and I still do, but not always, wear stockings... panties... and if a man or woman wants to treat me as a, well, a man with no penis, a sissy... only useful for my mouth and my anus... well, I'm sorta kinda (... embarrassed to really admit it) good with that.
Another reason, sort of, is self-control. I have told myself, "I'm not gonna masturbate."
I might as well tell myself, "I'm gonna stop smoking."
I've told myself both things; neither one happened for very long.
At least this way, I'm forced to not masturbate.
...Still working on a way that I can be forced to stop smoking.
And I thought, if I can't masturbate, it will free up the time I usually spend on it, to do.... something, anything else.
NOT so true.
Over the last week, I've spent even MORE time... thinking about, wishing I could, masturbate... or on porn sites, especially THIS chat room, just talking about ... this.
At least, when I DID masturbate, I could cum, get over it, and move on to something else.
Now... I've been in a state of nearly continuous sexual tension, and I don't know if it will ever pass.
There are ebbs and flows. Sometimes I can get distracted enough that I don't think about it. But, much more often than not... I'm thinking about it,
Denial, which is what I'm experiencing. I had an interesting comment during chat: "You want to experience denial, but it's not REAL, if you can unlock yourself whenever you want."
Which does bring up an undiscussed point: could I, can I, unlock myself whenever I want?
If that means, do I have access to the key, then yes.
I've heard and discussed many ways that self-lockers have, and can, hide the key from themselves, or find somebody to hold it for them.
I woke up Friday morning with the urging of morning wood that couldn't happen. All I had to do, was roll over, and reach out, two of the three keys were right there. For ten seconds, I thought about it. For two minutes, I mentally debated, "Why not.... but why? Well, why not?...but why?" Anyway, I was able to get up, move around, and take all three keys downstairs, and out to the street, into the glovebox of my car.
That will remove the immediate temptation. Now I will have to think about it, anytime I am so tempted...which is quite often.
So the argument continued, and still does, in my head:
Is it Denial, real denial, if I'm using self-control, to NOT unlock myself, when I know I can?
Or would it be better, to hide the key, give it away, find a keyholder, so I that I simply CAN'T?
Right now, I'm going with... using self-control, to keep myself away from the key.
But I can definitely see how, very soon, that self-control won't be enough.
Finally: I have not set my own release date.
I've kind of decided to go with an Event, not just some calender Date.
One event: I am a spiritual person (don't laugh too hard, please). And if, in my meditations and communions with the One and Only God, the Spirit, a different answer comes to me, an epiphany, perhaps, well, of course, I'd go with that.
Or: I meet someone who actually wants my penis.... um, still attached to my body....
Or: A celebration of something, especially my first real-life spanking. I've waited the better part of decade... from the time that I admitted to myself, that I really, truly want one... before that, I had the niggling notion, but refused to admit to myself, that I want to be spanked... so, were I to receive my first spanking, in a non-sexual context, I would celebrate by unlocking myself and having a good 'O'.
Then, the lock goes back on.
And the cycle will continue.
I certainly still have my own, but free to ask me anyway.
Since my last blog entry, I have discovered, tried and practiced something that has turned me on for some time: chastity
After I found more and more pleasure in separating pure sex from receiving a punishment, I wanted to try how it feels to enjoying belt, whip and the cane without touching myself or even jerk my cock.
I've seen many pictures and videos of guys wearing a chastity device and so I first lent a cage from a friend.
To put the chastity cage on was very exciting and after I first wore the cage only inside my flat, being completely naked, I've worn it also under clothing and outside my home. The result, I bought my own CB6000.
I received many beatings, where I was tied down, but the first session with the CB600 was exceptionally hot and very satisfying. As a part of this punishment session I loved to separate the act of discipline from any sexual action. And it´s a fact, that with a chastity device a belting/whipping/caning is perceived as a real punishment...
And... by the way: it´s that fucking humiliating to strip down naked and present your locked cock and balls to the spanker ;-)
After the first sessions in private I´ve worn my chastity cage in the Berlin SM-club "Quälgeist".
And it´s quite amazing that even more women are turned on to see a man in chastity than men...
I don't know what to do! Recently my boyfriend of a year and I decided to break things off because he was moving an hour away and we seem to disagree on a lot. He was my diciplinarian first and now even though we are broken up he wants to continue that role. Idk what to do! I feel like if he does then it might be weird. I want someone in my life to be my diciplinarian because thats the lifestyle I have chosen, and I care for my ex. I respect him and trust him and want him as a diciplinarian but idk if it's right. Part of me thinks that I should just move on and let him go, start over and focus on myself until someone else comes along. Another part of me says screw it and keep my ex as my diciplinarian until I meet Mr. Right. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do and have a decision to make! I feel like thats all I've done though the past few weeks!!
The whole Venus and Mars thing has been done to death but while some of it is baloney, there is some truth to it. I don’t think like you do when it comes to sex and most especially when it comes to your submission to me. Because so much of the D/S Relationship experience is about what we’re thinking and feeling, it really helps me to know what is going on in that sexy mind of yours.
It’s important for me to know not only what you want and need from our relationship but what really turns you on. To determine this without opening the door for you to guide where our relationship goes, I’ve decided to assign a couple of tasks.
First, I would like for you to complete a list of thing that turn you on and what kind of fantasy's you have.Not everything that pushes your buttons will be listed, but it’s a good place to begin. Take your time and be honest with me. Nothing you say will shock me – surprise me, maybe – but it won’t freak me out. I want to know more about your secret desires because I will be using them to my advantage ;)
In addition, once a day for the next seven days I want to hear about one of your fantasies. I realize it may be difficult for you to share these things with me so I’m giving you the option of telling me face-to-face, via recording, or by email. During those seven days you may not touch for pleasure and I will not allow you to release. (Smiles – just amping things up a bit, Sweetheart.)
I am providing these mechanisms of communicating your wants and needs not only because this will lead to a greater understanding of your submissiveness, but also because it will help to avoid any effort on your part to manipulate me. I love you and I want you to have everything you need and much of what you desire, but you must understand that efforts on your part to guide what we do – while perhaps temporarily giving you what you want – will in the long run damage our growing D/S relationship. The more I steer, the stronger my level of confidence in doing so will be. Every time I feel pressured or manipulated, the more I will feel that you are in control and that I’m not doing things “right”.
Since you’ve asked me to control and I assume that is what genuinely you want,so let me.
I don't no how its easier for me to take a ass whooping ( easier in the sense of getting my punishment over with but not easy having to endure the pain). Rather than to get grounded corner time ( which i hate but im working on staying their and being still )or have to write lines or essays. I'm guessing that itz because for a whoopin u are for the moat part done well mine includes corner time so I have to endure that and groundings usually consists of days of punishment lines and essays I doont like but I can get through them.I like to write so it doesn't really bother me that much. But any day of the year I can take a whoopin no matter how hard a scream kick or cry rather than get a grounding.
Hey guys I am feeling rather Bratty and well i wonderd if any of the Brat pack were still around? Probley not alot has changed in the past few Months. I have a Job! But still want a red bum like the one i have in my Avtar on here lol.
Anyway If anyone is around we can have some fun with the doms Like we did in the past if Not Hope your all good my friends brats and dommes/doms.
Love ya All